For a few months I’ve been working with a new doctor on some health challenges I’ve been experiencing. (Nothing major. Just playing detective and getting to the root cause of some things.)
Through testing, I discovered that I am allergic to gluten, dairy, soy and a few other things. So, a couple weeks ago I went cold turkey and cut those out of my diet, right along with caffeine.
I’m not gonna lie – it was hard and painful! And, my sweet body reacted big time during the detox. I was weak and tired with terrible migraines and nausea.
The day that I felt the worst, I looked at my schedule and realized I had three really important meetings. I thought: “I can’t cancel them. It’s so disrespectful to cancel them now at such short notice. I’ll just have to rally and get through it.”
Then I paused… and rewound those thoughts. I got curious about those thoughts.
Were they really true? Could I really NOT cancel my plans? Who was telling me I couldn’t cancel them? I was…so why couldn’t I change them?
When I got real with myself – who would I possibly be serving in the state I was in? How would I really be able to make a difference or access my creativity?
I mean, I was curled up by the toilet (TMI? Sorry.) – that’s how sick I was!
And, here came the lesson: I could choose I CAN.
It may sound silly to you, but this was huge for me. I have been a doer in my life – pushing myself to meet the demands at hand. It never occurred to me that not only could I cancel, but that that might be the absolute best thing for everyone involved.
I felt a tremendous sense of relief. I gave myself permission to say “ I CAN cancel all my plans and just rest today. I CAN reschedule them when I feel better. I CAN take care of myself and my body.”
It was an incredibly liberating moment. And, as I basked in the freedom and relief, I found myself thinking of you. Do you often tell yourself you can’t do something because it will disappoint others? Or because it would mean you weren’t keeping your commitments? Or because you don’t have the skills or credentials?
Let me serve as a big, bold reminder today that that way of thinking is limiting you. It’s shutting you off and shutting you down. You can give yourself permission to choose anything – I can’t or I can. It all comes from inside of you. That is the point of power.
You’ll be happy to know that each meeting I mentioned got rescheduled quickly and easily and that NO ONE was upset in the process. Everyone actually understood. Pretty amazing, right?
I’m so grateful to my body and that pain for this powerful lesson. I appreciate my willingness to pause and get curious about the story I was telling myself in that moment.
This is something available to all of us. Just because something’s in our mind doesn’t mean it’s true. (Click to Tweet!) I encourage you to press the pause button and rewind button and get curious about what’s going on in your head. I imagine there’s some really good learnings available for you there too.
In the comments below, I invite you to share your thoughts on this story – especially if it rings true for you. If you are a doer and worried you’ll disappoint others all the time. What lesson might be available to you in the “I can’t” / “I can”?
Thank you for reading and sharing.
By: Amber Krzys
Today this blog has been kidnapped by the lovely, Spirit Junkie herself, Gabby Bernstein.
In celebration of her latest soon-to-be best selling book, Miracles Now, I’ve invited her to share a little more about her journey from addict to miracle maker. Below in our interview you’ll learn some of her self-care routine, advice on how to put yourself first, as well as her story and the reason she wrote Miracles Now.
Q+A with Gabby B!
A: I know self-care is incredibly important to you. Are you willing to share a little bit of what your day-to-day self-care routine looks like?
G: I make self-care a high priority. For me self-care includes not eating sugar, taking lots of baths, wearing my sweatpants for as long as possible. Sleep is also a huge part of how I care for myself. I believe sleep is a spiritual practice.
My number one self-care practice is meditation. For the past decade I’ve meditated every single day.
A: Do you think honoring your self-care routine has allowed you more space for creativity? Did it assist you in writing your newest book or any of your previous?
G: Absolutely! If I don’t take care of myself then I will be stressed out. Stress is what blocks creativity and inspiration. Therefore, I make self-care a high priority whenever I’m creating something new in my life. If my energy is vibrant than the creative force can move through me effortlessly.
A: At lot of my readers are women who are seeking more fulfillment and joy and are struggling with putting themselves first. What advice would you give them?
G: Learn how to say NO! My best friend Latham Thomas always says, “No is a complete sentence.” It’s very easy to get caught up in the behavior of people pleasing, which inevitably leads to burnout. Begin a practice of saying no with love. Don’t be afraid that you’ll let people down. Trust that the more you honor your own needs the more energy you will have to support others.
A: Can you share a little bit of your journey – how it led to where you are now – with us?
G: In my early twenties I ran a nightlife PR firm in NYC. On the outside everything looked great, but on the inside I was a mess. I was seeking happiness, security and self-worth outside of myself. I regularly stayed up till 5 or 6 a.m. partying, and thanks to cocaine I weighed about 98 pounds. My friends had tried an intervention, but it didn’t work. Then, one night, I finally let it go. I wrote in my journal, “I need help. God, Universe, whoever is out there … I surrender.” The next morning, October 2, 2005, I woke up to a loud inner voice that said, “Get clean and you’ll have everything you want.” I knew I had no other choice than to listen.
I am happy it happened the way it did. I found God in my own way. I got clean. My conscious surrender was when I asked for help in my journal. I received an answer right away, and I have been sober since that day. I was desperately looking for happiness, and I was seeking everything good—peace and happiness—outside of myself.
For the past eight years I’ve been on a powerful journey inward, expanding my intuition and shifting my perceptions of the world. Through my own personal journey I have been guided to teach others to do the same.
A: Tell us about your new book, Miracles Now.
G: I love this book and I’m so psyched to share it with you. Miracles Now helps readers lessen stress and find peace—FAST! I handpicked 108 techniques to combat our most common problems—from addiction and anxiety to burnout and resentment. The exercises are inspired by some of my greatest spiritual teachings. Throughout the book, I offer up spirit-based principles, meditations and practical tools to help readers bust through blocks to live with more ease. I break down each technique Spirit Junkie style—with meditations, assessment questions and step-by-step guidance—while incorporating lessons from the metaphysical text A Course in Miracles and Kundalini yoga. This book is meant for the busy, stressed person who simply wants to feel better fast.
A: How is Miracles Now different from all of your other books?
G: Each of my books has a unique format but a shared intention, which is to offer readers tools for releasing all the blocks to their true happiness and peace. Miracles Now shares that core intention through 108 short exercises that can be done anywhere, any time. This book is less self-reflective and more action oriented. I want it to put people into practice immediately so they can experience Miracles Now!
A: This book is different by design, so can you tell us the best way to use it?
G: I feel that books can act like a tarot deck. You can set an intention for yourself and then open the book to any page. Mark my words: You will ALWAYS get the guidance you need most in that moment.
I think the best way to use this book is to surrender to the exercises. Let your intuition guide you through each page. When you land on exercise that excites you, DO IT. Practice it for 40 days and master it. Then share it! These tools are meant to be shared. The last lesson in the book is that you are the guru.
A: What goodies are you offering for people who purchase it today?
G: I like to take good care of my people, so if you order Miracles Now TODAY, you’ll receive three gifts from me:
- My ½ day workshop on Manifesting Miracles
- My lecture on Living a Miraculous Life
- The audiobook intro to the book!
To order it & get these special gifts, click here: www.gabbyb.tv/miracles.
A: Thank you for sharing your creativity and wisdom with my community and across the globe. I so appreciate your time.
G: It’s my pleasure. And, thank you.
Hope you enjoyed our first ever kidnapped blog!
By: Amber Krzys
This past week was full of magic and miracles. I had the privilege of speaking to and connecting with hundreds of young women at SEPC in Atlanta.
This is one of my favorite conferences for so many reasons – mostly because of the women. They are so eager, willing and ready to learn. In fact, they remind me of me when I was in my early 20’s – bright-eyed, achievers ready to take on the world.
They want to feel good enough, do good enough and make everyone happy. They want to let go of their obsession with perfection. They want to be kinder to themselves and stop their inner critic from taking over their brain. Yet, they feel like they don’t know how.
I so get it. In my past, I have been in that place more often than I like to admit. Just yearning for the answer. Fighting to find the thing that would make it all better.
I suspect if you are reading this, you too can relate.
During one of my sessions, a beautiful woman with long, blonde hair asked me, “How can you do that without feeling guilty?”
I had just shared that taking time out to “do” nothing is incredibly valuable for your health, well-being and soul.
The entire room pretty much had her reaction: “I can’t do that. If I stop, nothing will get done. Besides, I’ll just sit there and think about all the things I should be doing and then feel worse.”
So many women – it doesn’t matter their age – relate to the idea of doing nothing this same exact way. They think there isn’t enough time. If I don’t get it done, it will never get done. So they push and push and push to the point of depletion. Resulting in more stress, anxiety, overwhelm and dissatisfaction with life in general.
Because of this choice to push through and do more, the anxiety becomes their regular way of showing up in the world – which ultimately causes them to feel even more guilt.
They snap at their husband or best friend. They judge themselves as taking everything for granted. They feel tired, life-less and like they are just barely getting by.
So, my question becomes, why don’t we make down time a priority?
What if when you feel burnt out or super stressed, instead of pushing through, you gave yourself a break to recharge?
This can feel incredibly scary at first – almost counterintuitive – but, if you try it a few times, you’ll see how the downtime really does reset you. It fills your tank and gives you more energy to focus, so that you can be more efficient in a shorter amount of time. (Click to Tweet)
If you knew doing this regularly could cause you to be more effective, reach your goals faster and feel so much happier, would you be willing to try?
If you said yes, here’s what I recommend:
1 – Give yourself permission to go for it.
This isn’t a one and done kind of experiment. It takes time and commitment – like anything worthwhile in your life. So, start by giving yourself permission to experiment. To try this out in full and see how it works for you.
2 – Carve out a 2-hour block of time in your calendar for doing nothing. (You can add more days or more time, as you see fit.)
Now, let’s be clear, doing nothing isn’t really doing nothing. Doing nothing could be reading a book, watching your favorite television show, taking a nap, sitting outside watching the birds, taking a hot bath, etc.
I’m not suggesting you stare blankly up at the ceiling for hours on end. No no. I’m suggesting you do something for you – that has no purpose other than causing you to feel good or relaxed.
It CANNOT be work or school related. It must be life related.
3 – Honor that 2-hour block for do nothing time.
When it comes up on your calendar, you honor it immediately. Not when you finish the project you’re working on. Nope. You respect it the same way you would an appointment with your doctor. Why? Because it is THAT important.
4 – Dealing with feelings of guilt.
In the beginning, the habit of doing nothing may feel uncomfortable. In fact, it may feel challenging due to the feelings of guilt and the thoughts of all the things you could/should be doing.
Know: those feelings and thoughts are ok. You don’t have to make them different or make them wrong. You can simply observe them. You can see them AND continue doing nothing.
The more you practice this, the easier it will become and the less you guilt you will feel.
It’s like learning to ride a bike. I guarantee when children first look at that bike they think I can’t ride that. It doesn’t seem possible. Won’t I just fall over?
But, after trying and falling and trying and falling again and again, the child finds their balance and soars down the road – feeling comfortable and confident in the biking abilities.
This is what’s possible for you!
You may start out thinking the same thing about incorporating regular down time into your schedule… I can’t do that. It doesn’t seem possible. Won’t I just fail?
But, after trying it and trying it again, you’ll find more ease and enjoyment in it. I’d venture to guess you’ll be feeling more comfortable and confident in your “do nothing” abilities in no time.
At least, that was my experience. I LOVE my downtime. I take some every single day and a whole lot on the weekends! And my life is far better because of it.
In the comments below tell me if you’re willing to try? And if you are, what some of your fears and concerns might be? Also, if you regularly practice down time, share how you like to fill it, or even what your process was like when you first started honoring it.
I look forward to connecting with you.
Sending you so much compassion as you allow yourself the joy you deserve.
ps – If you’re a mamma, check out this special event just for you right here.
By: Amber Krzys
Do you know where you can find millions of dollars right now?
Recently I was flipping the channels and heard Joel Osteen ask this question – obviously it got my attention. I mean, who wouldn’t turn their head to hear more about that?
What he said next stopped me in my tracks.
His answer: Cemeteries.
Not what I was expecting – YET, brilliant to highlight his point.
How many hopes and dreams are resting there? How many million dollar ideas that never came to be? That died inside with the person?
I was particularly struck by this, as I heard it right before my grandmother’s passing. At her funeral I couldn’t help but wonder if she had dreams that died inside with her? If she had any ideas she gave up on and never breathed life into?
I find this topic heart-breaking. As humans, we feel like we will be here forever, but we won’t. In truth, we only have a short amount of time on this planet – to do our thing. To share our gifts. To create. To love. To contribute.
Yet so many of us allow fear to get in the way of what’s inside our hearts. We play small for fear of what other’s might think, for fear of what other’s might say, for fear that we’ll fail and for so many other reasons.
Honestly, this is why I love coaching so much. It’s such a privilege to get to support someone in living beyond their fears and into their wildest dreams. In moving forward no matter what – so they can experience a life of greater joy & fulfillment and live more fully into who they truly are.
What idea is in your heart today that you haven’t yet given life to? What secret truth have you been afraid to do or say?
If you know in your heart you’ve stayed too long in a job or a relationship, what’s one action you can take to support yourself today? If you were born into a family of lawyers and are in law school but really want to be doing something else, how can you give voice to that today?
I was just talking with an inspiring young woman who shared how she left her doctoral program because she knew her heart was elsewhere. Now she’s preparing to work in the Peace Corps.
This is what I’m talking about. Honoring your heart takes courage. And, today I invite you to tap into your own courage and take action. It doesn’t matter if it’s big or small. You could buy a book or have a conversation or put a date on your calendar. This is about you taking a stand for what’s inside of you and moving forward.
I’d love to hear what you come up with if you are inspired to share in the comments below. (FYI – This could even be your action!)
Holding for your highest dreams.
ps – If you’re a mamma, check out this special event just for you right here.
By: Amber Krzys
Have you ever found yourself saying that? Living in a space of dullness and lifelessness where nothing seems appealing? Or fun?
I certainly have. In fact, feeling bored is one of my least favorite emotions on the planet. (It tends to lead to dates with Little Debbie or Ben & Jerry!) And, yet, sometimes, no matter what I do, I find myself feeling that way. Waiting for someone else to save the day and entertain me.
Well, that’s how I used to be . . . until I got schooled by a 5-year-old! (We’ll call him Eric.)
I witnessed an incredible exchange between Eric and his mother – who happens to be one of my dear friends. The conversation went something like this:
Eric: “Mom, I’m bored.”
Mom: “And, what do I always say?”
Eric: “Boring people only feel bored.”
Mom: “And, are you a boring person?”
Mom: “So what could you do right now? What could you do that would be fun and creative?”
Eric: “I don’t know.”
Mom: “Would you like to think about it?”
He went away, thought about it and then started to play on his own.
Later his mom told me that she has been working with him to access and support his own creativity. Which I thought was beautiful and brilliant. She didn’t buy into his story that he was bored. She didn’t swoop in to fix it. Instead she supported him in thinking for himself and finding the solution on his own.
In that moment, I thought – She probably wouldn’t buy into my story of boredom either. So why should I?
I learned from witnessing that exchange that joy is up to us. Fun and creativity are up to us. They are always available. We just have to bring them. And, the great news is we can bring them to EVERYTHING we do.
My coach recently shared a quote from her gym: “It doesn’t have to be fun to be fun.”
At first glance that seems confusing or contrary – but, this is the exact point I am making. We can bring the fun. We can choose the fun. It’s all in how we relate and respond to the circumstance at hand.
If you are feeling flat and unmotivated at work, what can you do today to make it more fun? Could you take a walk on your lunch break? Could you meet up with a friend at lunch? Could you buy flowers and place them at your desk? Could you rearrange your office furniture? Could you have a five minute dance party in your cubicle?
The great news in all of this is that the answer is available within you. You just have to give yourself space and time to create it.
There are so many things we can do to support ourselves in expanding our capacity for feeling joy. We just don’t do it. We wait for someone else to invite us somewhere. We wait until we are making more money. We wait until we lose the weight. We wait for so many things.
But the truth is, life is waiting for us. It’s waiting for us to take the lead. To claim what we really want.
And we can choose that in every given moment. In fact, every action (even the tiniest of actions) count.
So, the next time you find yourself saying, “I’m bored,” remember this article. You are only as bored as you are boring. And, then, get your hot buns in gear and DO something about it.
In the comments below, share how creative you can be. Tell me one area of your life that feels dull and flat AND one action you can take to bring some fun to it.
ps – If you are ready for a little sunshine this winter, check this out & join me next week!
By: Amber Krzys
Last week after my talk at LMU, a lovely young woman asked a question: How do you stop comparing yourself to others?
I love this question because my answer has evolved over time as I have. I used to compare my body to someone else’s body. Believing that if I just had her legs or olive skin that my life would be better. Then once I healed some of my body story, I found that comparison moved to business. I used to compare the growth of my business to the success of other people’s businesses. Always checking how many likes or followers they had, and then feeling crappy when mine didn’t match up. And after that, comparison moved into my relationship and so on and so forth.
It seems the story of comparison is never ending – and always manages to find fuel to source it.
The one thing I know for sure is that:
It will block you from success only 100% of the time. (Tweet It Yo!) Why? Because it doesn’t allow you access to your creativity or authenticity. It keeps you imprisoned in your ego-mind.
And, today I’m offering three ways I’ve learned to interrupt this cycle and flip it on it’s head. It’s what I shared with the brave student in the audience, and am now sharing with you.
What do you do if you start comparing yourself to others?
1 – Be YOU.
The best way to stop comparison from taking over your life is to get to know and love YOU. The more you like, value and appreciate yourself, the less you feel flawed and defective. This is the underlying root of all comparison. “I don’t feel good enough.” When we look at ourselves and our lives through that lens, it’s easy to fall prey to the comparison monster.
The best gift we can give ourselves is falling in love with who we are and where we are. In fact, in my experience falling in love with the thing that I loathed has brought me more reward and liberation than I ever thought possible. (Curious what I mean? Watch this video.)
Accepting our current reality (body, job, relationship status) doesn’t mean our circumstances won’t change or get better, i.e., lose weight, make more money, get in a healthy relationship. What it means is we are no longer fighting our current existence. We are no longer actively seeking the cure for our disease, because we realize we aren’t diseased at all.
In that choice, we create space. We find our worth and celebrate the thing that makes us unique; thus kicking comparison to the curb.
2 – Switch from Envy to Admiration.
Question: What artists do you like? Musicians? Painters? I imagine every person reading this has their own favorites. And just because I happen to dig Jason Mraz doesn’t mean that Led Zepplin doesn’t have value, right? I mean, imagine how boring the world would be if we only valued one type of musician or artist. That would be no fun. Yet, this is what we do when it comes to our body or even our definition of success. It’s narrow – tall, thin, no cellulite or earning a minimum of six figures without having to work a lot.
But, there are lots of definitions of beauty and success if we are willing to open our minds to all the possibilities. So, instead of being filled with jealousy or envy, see if you can flip that to admiration.
What a beautiful work of art. Our bodies are creations, and creations can be considered art. So, why not see and appreciate that beautiful walking work of art in front of you. Wishing you were that in order to fill a hole in you is completely different from appreciating it and still knowing you have value.
It’s subtle, but can make a big difference. And, ps, admiring it tends to welcome it into your life versus pushing it further and further away through envy.
3 – Acknowledge It – Outloud to the Subject of Your Comparison.
This is the scariest and most fun when you get behind it and risk trying it. When you see someone and think: “Man, if I only had her legs” or “If I only had her business sense” – TELL HER. Yikes!?
Acknowledging it and praising her not only interrupts the negative pattern within yourself, but it’s also an incredibly generous gift to give her. More often than not, the recipient of the compliment is so appreciative. In fact, she/he may even admit how your words made their day. That they were feeling self-conscious in their outfit or launch of their new program.
When this happens it’s eye-opening. It allows you to see that we all have insecurities and fears – even the people we look at and think are perfect!
In the comments below, tell me if you’ve ever tried any of these and if so, how they went? Or, tell me what you’ve down in those moments of comparison so we can all gain from your experience. I love talking about this one.
As always, I appreciate you reading.
ps – Special announcement for business owners and entrepreneurs: Marie Forleo has opened enrollment for B-School for this year! Yahoo! If you are considering the program, I invite you to take a look at the individual support I’m offering – including having a conversation with you BEFORE you invest to see if it’s a fit. Click here to see what I’m offering to support you in getting the most out of your B-School experience.
By: Amber Krzys
Holy moly, today is a big day.
It’s the day I’ve been waiting for since December 8, 2013 . . .
But before I share why with you, I want to make an announcement: If you are a business owner or want to be a business owner, I have created a special community just for you. It’s called bodyheart for business owners. I’m sharing this now because TOMORROW I have a really juicy resource in store that you won’t wanna miss. To get this info, you need to hop on the bodyheart for business owners list here.
Now back to our regular programming. Which is . . .
My TEDx Malibu Talk
It’s LIVE and ready for viewing!!
In the video I share how often what we think we really want, isn’t what we want at all . . . and what to do about it.
I invite you to watch it, like it, share the heck out of it and even express yourself in the comments below the video - if you feel called to do so.
AND, if you were there live or think you already saw it – let me just say: You ain’t seen this version. The magic of editing has made all the technical difficulties disappear. Poof! Like that. So, watch again for the full effect.
My cheeks are hurting from smiling so much. To think I almost said no to this experience.
I so appreciate your support, love and celebration of this moment. It’s a true honor. A check off the bucket list.
ps – Operation Feel Good starts on Sunday. Don’t miss out on this adventure. Sign up for free here.
By: Amber Krzys
What’s a fence sitter? Someone sitting on the fence. Sitting in the middle of a decision. Afraid to make a choice.
Recently I’ve had a lot of conversations with fence sitters and what I’ve come to see is how much suffering occurs while sitting on the fence. (I also happen to know because I’ve been there myself. More than I’d like to admit.)
On one side of the fence is our current reality. The life we know. The problems we know. And, the discomfort we’re familiar with. I affectionately call that discomfort the ‘blue snuggie’. It’s worn and a little smelly, but I know it and have come to rely on it. (Don’t know what a snuggie is? See here.)
On the other side of the fence is the unknown. It’s the life we dream of and hope for, but fear will never come to be. It’s the relationship, the new job, the self-care routine. We see it and are drawn to it, but aren’t quite ready to jump off the fence into it.
We ask ourselves questions like: What if I’m not good enough? What if I fail? What if I make the wrong choice?
This side of the fence is uncertain and scary. The answers aren’t readily available. And, it seems, part of the human condition is wanting the answers before we leap. You know what I’m talkin’ about. AND, fortunately or unfortunately, it just doesn’t work that way.
I like to call this side the ‘purple snuggie’. It’s a new, fresh snuggie that could feel just as good as or even better than the blue one – yet, we are partial to the blue one because it’s so familiar.
In this post, the snuggies represent our discomfort. Both sides of the fence create discomfort – they’re supposed to.
The great news is you’ve made it to the fence. The discomfort in current reality has caused you to get curious about what’s on the other side. And, you climbed the fence to check it out. That’s awesome.
Cheers to you for that.
The not-so-good news is that the fence tends to be the most painful part of the process. And, it’s a spot we can sit on for a long time. I know I’ve certainly sat on the fence for a number of years in my past. I’m talking like six years!
So, what do you do if you are currently on the fence?
1 – Have compassion for yourself.
Judging your process and where you are will not serve you. Doing that will only make it worse. Remind yourself of the steps you have taken thus far (the ones that got you to the fence in the first place) and then be open to the process. (To move through your judgments, see here.)
2 – Gather information.
Allow yourself to get curious about what’s on the other side. Google it. Read some books on it. Talk to some people who have done it. This will fuel your vision and start to ease some of your fears. The impossible can suddenly become possible with new information. (Click to Tweet)
3 – Seek support.
The leap from the fence to the ground can be a whole lot easier with someone holding a ladder in place. Find a coach to work with. Join a group program. Go to a 12-step meeting. Form your own small mastermind community. One thing I know for sure (from my own life and witnessing my clients’ lives), support and accountability create magic and miracles.
4 – Trust yourself.
This can be the most difficult part of the process. But, at the end of the day, you will know when it’s time for you to get down.
In the comments below, I’d love to hear your process of making the leap! What were your fears? What did you do to support yourself? And what was the catalyst for you to jump?
Wishing you ease in trusting the process.
ps – Here’s a small action you can take that may support you in feeling good while on the fence. It’s called Operation Feel Good and you can sign up for it for free right here.
By: Amber Krzys
My question today is . . . What’s your theme?
But, you gotta imagine the ‘what’s your dream?’ guy from the movie Pretty Woman saying it. ‘What’s your theme? Everybody got a theme.What’s your theme?’
(Don’t know the Pretty Woman guy? Watch here.)
January 2014 is coming to a close and I’m wondering how you are doing on your theme, intentions and/or resolutions? Taking stock throughout the year is one way to get better results. So, how are you doing?
Are you moving along at a nice steady pace?
Have you gotten derailed?
Are you in denial about your derailment or judging it?
No matter where you are, there you are. In all of it’s imperfect perfection.
If you are right on track, pat yourself on the back. Seriously. Share a brag in the comments and acknowledge yourself – even for the tiniest thing. That will not only keep you going, but inspire others to keep going too. Plus, it’s scientifically proven that acknowledging yourself will help you feel whole, happy and accomplished on the journey.
If you have gotten derailed, take pause. Remind yourself that it’s okay. That you are okay. You are human and we fall a lot before we walk.
Before you assess the situation, first see if you have any judgments running about your success or failure. About whether you are behind or can’t find the time or can’t keep your word to yourself.
When judgments are active, they inhibit your ability to see clearly, so you must address them first. By acknowledging them – that they are there. They will continue to control things from the shadows unless you bring them to the light.
Next, ask yourself if they are true? Are they really, without a doubt 100% true? Probably not.
If they are not, look at what they are providing you? What is the benefit of them? For example, if your intention was to exercise for pleasure at least three days a week and you didn’t even make it through week one, a judgment could be: “I’m a complete failure.” “I can’t even keep my word to myself.” “I’ll never be able to love exercise like I used to.”
Once determining these assumptions aren’t actually accurate, you can look at what you are getting out of them. In this example, you could be getting the pleasure of staying where you are? You could be getting to continue blaming your schedule, your time, your family, and not taking responsibility for your life and happiness? You could be getting to avoid fully showing up in your life?
These are all possibilities.
Ask yourself if the benefits are worth it? Do they justify your judgments? Probably not. Because you wouldn’t have set out to make a change if you wanted to stay stuck, yes?
So, regroup, forgive yourself, get creative and get in action. How can you support yourself in recommitting to your theme/intention?
Maybe exercising three days a week is too much, so you downshift to one day a week instead? Maybe that feels more manageable? Or, maybe you hire a babysitter a couple days a week to make it easier for you to leave the house? Or, maybe you find a buddy to workout with?
There are so many options we can discover once we get under the judgment. Your creativity is not accessible until then. It needs space to come up, so releasing the judgment through consideration and forgiveness is the trick. (Like it? Tweet It here.)
Share in the comments below your process. What do you do to recommit? What did you discover when you did this process? What are you most proud of in the new year?
For me, my theme for 2014 is Connection. Connection to my body, to my family and friends, to Spirit, to you and life in general.
I am starting with my body. January is all about taking care of her. So, I am most proud that I have been to the doctor, dentist, eye doctor, chiropractor and more. I am committed to feeling fantastic this year and so far I am invigorated by the process.
Now it’s your turn.
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By: Amber Krzys
Today I’m sharing something I’ve never shared before. It’s what I was inspired to write and is a beautiful exampe of what’s possible when we truly heal our past.
Over the weekend I saw Saving Mr. Banks. What a beautiful film. It’s heart is in telling the story of how Mary Poppins came to be.
I grew up with Mary Poppins. She is very special to me, so it was easy for me to open my heart and get transported to a different world – with a new understanding.
When leaving the theater, I really thought about the beauty and power of storytelling, and how in this particular story, the author got to rewrite her past. She got to reframe the bad and make it into something good. And, we, the audience, got to witness her transformation.
This film is a true example of the healing process. So many of us have childhood wounds that are holding us back to this very day. We saw something, said something, did something or had something said or done to us that is influencing the way we see and act in the world.
Healing is a process, not an event, and P.L. Travers (the creator of Mary Poppins) demonstrated this so clearly in Saving Mr. Banks. The reward for her willingness and courage to reframe her hurts is something that is available to all of us.
What would it look like if you got to go back in time and see your past with new eyes? What would it be like if you could go into your memory and reframe the pain into something good; thus giving yourself a new story.
See, our memories, as much as we hold them as true, aren’t always accurate. They are influenced by our age, culture, environment, perspective, attitude. And sometimes, often times, can hurt us more than help us.
Here’s an example from my own life: I have a memory of me with my mom and dad. I’m around age 5 and we had my cousin over for pizza and play time. As we were playing, I told my dad I would eat two slices; yet, when the time came to actually eat, my eyes were bigger than my stomach and I could only eat one slice. That made my dad really angry. So angry that he started screaming at me, my cousin and especially my mom. He ended up punching a hole in the wall while my cousin and I hid in the closet.
My little 5-year-old self didn’t know or understand what was happening. She believed that she did something wrong. That she caused her dad’s anger. That this was her fault. “If only I had eaten the second slice, none of this would’ve happened.”
I never wanted to set off my dad again, so I catered to him. I became the ‘good girl’. Always wanting to make him happy and, at the same time, yearning for his love and attention.
This theme played out into my adulthood, in my relationships with men and authority figures… until I went back and applied love to my internal wounds.
The truth was that my biological dad was an alcoholic at that time who had a hot temper. He was unhappy in his marriage and his life in general. His reaction had nothing to do with me. And, when I could finally see that, both my dad and I were free.
For the first time, I could see him and his wounds. I could see he was doing his best with what he knew. And, I could forgive him and myself. After not talking for 15+ years (healing is a process, not an event), we now have a relationship that is based in loving kindness. I attribute this to the growth and healing we have both done – separately and together.
I share this today as an example of what’s possible with the healing of memories. Part of becoming an adult is taking responsibility for our lives, our feelings, our past, our pain and our victories. All of it. The good and the bad.
What can you look back on and see differently today? That option is always available to you. If you feel so called, you are welcome to share in the comments below.
Thank you for reading today’s vulnerable post. I appreciate you seeing me.
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By: Amber Krzys