I was working on my book this week and felt inspired to share an excerpt with you:
“Changing my body was the first thought I had when I woke up in the morning and the last one I had going to bed at night. I’d ask myself, What am I going to eat to lose weight? How am I going to exercise? How am I going to lose two inches from my thighs because my agent told me I should.
“You’re face is good,” he said, looking over the rim of his wire-framed glasses. “Your upper body is pretty good,” he added, pointing at my chest. “Can you do something about your hips and thighs?”
My face burned with shame—further proof there was something wrong with my body. I felt hopeless, because I had been trying, and it—I—wasn’t good enough.
“Sure,” I said, with the most pleasing smile I could muster.
Now my mission was set. Must lose weight from butt and thighs at all costs. No dinner tonight. Run five miles tomorrow. Create new meal plan. Life was better with a plan. I didn’t have to feel anxious or ashamed as long as I was in motion. This was one of my many avoidance tactics. And, it worked for a while.
Recalling this, I’m stunned that I couldn’t see how hard I was on myself. I was so inside of it, I was blind. I believed there was something wrong with my body. Period.
Imagine what a big moment it was when I made the connection: I’m in an abusive relationship—with myself!”
So many women (and men) are walking around wounded when it comes to their bodies. They’re holding onto memories, experiences and harsh words people said from their past—using them as ammunition or motivation today. Part of healing is slowing down to be with those tender memories. I have so much compassion for that bright-eyed, willing-to-do-anything-to-succeed, actress, who sat across from that agent and took his words at the gospel. She was so insecure and so desperately wanting to be loved.
I get to do that now—love her. I get to see and celebrate her beauty, determination and pure sweetness. She did the best she could given what she knew and what she had. This is an example of Fierce Loving.
I’m leading a complimentary workshop designed to support you in Fiercely Loving Your Body. On this 90-minute call you’ll:
- learn what Fierce Loving means & how to apply it to your body.
- find out the biggest obstacle in the way of feeling good about yourself.
- discover the best question to ask to create transformation and live Fierce Loving every day.
- learn what you really want in your body & what to do about it.
- connect more deeply & find empathy for your body.
- receive direct coaching from me (Amber)
- hear from women, just like you, who used this material to honor the body they were given (and ultimately experience greater peace, freedom and joy in their lives)
If you have stories from your past creeping into your present, that are no longer serving you, I encourage you to be there. Bring your biggest challenge when it comes to your body and I will help you transform it.
You can RSVP for free here AND see my original body image rap. (Who says this conversation has to be so dark and heavy? Let’s bring some light to the dark!)
If you have any questions, simply email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I do hope you’ll join me for this complimentary event.
With Fierce Loving,
By: Amber Krzys
Valentine’s Day is never a big deal in my house. Vince and I are pretty chill on this day. In fact, he was out of the country, so I definitely didn’t put energy into it this year. Imagine my surprise when I came home to find this:
Six dozen roses! Breathless, with tears streaming down my face, my first thought wasn’t how lucky I am or how grateful. Nope. My first thought was, “I didn’t do anything to deserve this.” As if love were a commodity or something that must be worked for and earned.
Clearly I had a misunderstanding about love and the way it works running in my mind! On some level, I know love isn’t about tit for tat–where you give “this” much, and I match you. I know this, and, yet, a part of me didn’t.
I imagine I’m not the only person who has felt this way at times, which is why I’m sharing this with you. If you’ve ever thought, “I didn’t do anything to deserve this,” I invite you to pay particular attention to what I’m about to say next…
Instead of diving deeper into why I thought I didn’t deserve it, and looking for the memory that created this response or how I could “fix” myself, I stopped. I decided to experiment.Could I simply receive this loving gesture in full? Was I willing to allow myself to take in the Goodness and Beauty? Was I willing to let Love in?
Yes. With each breath, I slowed down. I chose to breathe in the loving and breathe out the loving. I slowed down even more. In my mind, I consciously looked at myself through Vince’s eyes and saw what he saw. I saw an incredible woman, with a bright smile and huge heart. She was carefree, joyous and so loving.
That woman was me. That woman is me. And all my doubt, fear and misunderstandings dissolved.
I touched that place inside where I know the truth: I am Love.
This is true for you too. When you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by the Goodness – pause – and ask yourself if you are willing to slow down and receive it? Are you willing to let it in? In truth, if it’s in your present moment, it is a reflection of YOU.
Love isn’t created by what we do. What we do is an extension of the Love we are. It’s our essence, our being. There’s a fantastic book I’ve read and reread called, Lovability by Dr. Robert Holden. I highly recommend it, especially if you find yourself caught up in the misbelief that you are unlovable.
Speaking of love, I had a cancellation for Sunday’s sold-out workshop: Fierce Loving: For Your Body. There is now one spot available!
Wishing you an experience of the love you are,
By: Amber Krzys
Yesterday I was smitten…by a 92-year-old man.
I was waiting at the doctor’s office for my appointment when an older gentleman came in with his wife. She told him to have a seat and gently led him in my direction—he was a bit stumbly and unsure of his footing. He sat down right beside me while she went to the counter to check in.
I was looking at my phone, trying to respond to emails and get work done as I often do when I wait, when I heard a voice say, “Do you play poker?” It quickly became apparent that my phone, and all those emails that seemed so important, were about to be trumped by a speckled-faced, grey-haired, thick glasses wearing man. The surprising part (and the best part) is that I didn’t mind. I welcomed his question and conversation with an open heart.
Our exchange consisted of, “Nope. I sure don’t play poker.” He said, “You must not be a gambler then!” To which I said, “I am not.” Then we talked about money, his wife, and where he lives. I could tell he didn’t have full mental capacity, and I didn’t mind. Who he was, was perfect.
His wife came over and immediately apologized—to which I said there was no need. She shared that he was diagnosed with Alzheimers, and that she was his full time caretaker—at 90 years-old herself! She couldn’t stop sharing how sweet he was and how after 73 years of marriage she was still madly in love with him. Be still my heart.
They were called next, and as I watched them walk away, I had tears in my eyes. I was so grateful I so willingly put down my phone in order to receive this beautiful gift Life had to offer.
Life is always trying to offer us gifts. The question is, are you missing out of them because your focus and attention is someplace else?
One way you can support yourself in opening your heart to these magical moments (and have more cake) is to put a reminder in your phone. Have a pop up that asks: Are you present to your surroundings right now? Have you smiled at another human today? Would it be a good idea to pause and take two nice, slow deep breaths?
Your phone can actually be your partner in helping you be more present. It can assist you in receiving the beauty and goodness that is around you right now.
And speaking of beauty and goodness that already is, I shared last week about the complimentary, in-person workshop I’m leading on February 28th. There are nine spots waiting to be filled by extraordinary women. If you’d like to be one of them, click here to RSVP.
I don’t want you to miss out of the magic of your body or the magic of your life. I want you to embrace it with arms wide open. The kind of embrace little kids use when they say, “I love you this much!,” and have their whole body stretched so far it seems like they’re being pulled apart.
Life is waiting for you to love it. May this be your nudge today.
With Fierce Loving,
By: Amber Krzys
I usually start the new year with inspiration and enthusiasm, with a clear plan of action—all gung-ho for bringing my dreams to life. This year is different. On December 14, 2015, my dear coach, friend, and mentor, Michelle Bauman, passed away. Through her death I’m learning on a whole new level what life is really about.
I saw this quote on Facebook recently by David Bowie:
I love this quote and my only addition would be to include learning to love yourself in the “how to love” part. Love is what it’s all about. It’s the Universal Truth—the only thing that’s real. Everything else is icing.
Michelle was/is love for me. She saw me before I saw myself. She knew what was possible for me and believed in me before I did. She never bought into my limiting stories of lack and not-enoughness. Her support and guidance were constant and unwavering. She was a force. She personified Fierce Loving—a brilliant blend of tough love and compassionate love. She knew when to push and when to embrace. Her love was unconditional. I’m so grateful to have fully experienced the power, beauty, and whole heart of unconditional love.
Death brings with it pause. It opens a door to a deeper exploration of life. I took my relationship with Michelle for granted—and that’s ok. I didn’t know I did. I couldn’t see that fully until she was gone. Now the veil has lifted and I see how much of my life I spent living for the future and not appreciating right now.
January is a season of goal setting. For years, I poured my energy into getting clear about what I wanted and then went after it full force. Everything from more money, a toned, strong body, a romantic partner, a new car or house, a dog, higher education—I see now that my lists were based on external things—icing on the cake. I didn’t focus on the cake itself. The cake is ordinary life, the mundane. It’s the every day stuff we take for granted—grocery shopping, laundry, pumping gas, snuggling up with a loved one and watching a movie. It’s our daily routine.
One of my intentions for this year is to relish the beauty of the ordinary—to find the extraordinary in the ordinary. Because, that’s life. For me, it’s noticing and appreciating the look in Vince’s eyes as he’s being pushed off the bed by our dogs, Lucky and Matzah. It’s jamming out to music while doing the dishes knowing I’m taking care of our household. It’s finding the joy in trying on five different outfits before going out! It’s texting friends to see if they can play over the weekend. It’s the flowers on my desk, a stranger’s smile, a perfect cup of coffee, the parking spot in the front row. These small, seemingly pointless moments are the ones that make up life. They are rich; each one its own mini-miracle. And the only thing they require is our Presence. Our willingness to pay attention to the goodness we already have….and the goodness we already are.
Elizabeth Gilbert recently shared this awesome ritual she practices: At the end of each day, she pauses to write down her happiest moment and puts it in her “happiness jar.” She so beautifully talks about how those moments are often small, simple ones. You can read her full post here and possibly even take a play from her playbook. I certainly am!
Before I close, I want to be clear—I’m not saying external goals like more money, weight loss, or more romance are bad. They are amazing and absolutely have a place. But when we put all of our stock in achieving those, it’s easy to fall prey to the idea that who you are and what you have right now isn’t enough. That’s why there’s so much value in slowing down and being present. It will keep you more grounded and centered in your heart as you go for your goals.
Isn’t it time to have a little cake with your icing? They go so well together!
By: Amber Krzys
I recently came across this picture:
Tears of gratitude ran down my cheeks. This photo may not look like much, but it is huge to me. Six years ago, in the garage of my old house, I led my very first workshop, which gave birth to my business, bodyheart.
I wasn’t sure what I was doing. I didn’t have a business plan. I’d never taken a business class in my life. I’d never led a workshop, and I was consumed with thoughts like: What if no one shows up? What if they don’t get value out of my content? What if they hate it? What if I suck at facilitating? What if I fail?
I had so many fears, and yet, I moved forward anyway, connected to something larger than myself and my negative “what-ifs”. I was attuned to my heart and to my desire to help. I had experienced a powerful healing in my relationship with my body. I went from hating it to loving it, and wanted to share how with anyone who would listen. I had no idea if my offerings would be relevant to others, but I knew I had to try. Fortunately, I discovered that my experience translated. What worked for me, worked for others!
From there my confidence grew, I led more workshops, group programs, started speaking and working with people individually. Big things can come from humble beginnings.
In my line of work as a life coach and speaker, I talk to a lot of people about their visions and dreams. Whether their deepest desire is to feel confident in their skin, make their first $100K, or be in a thriving romantic relationship—it all starts out the same way: with a glimmer of possibility and fear of the unknown. These two go hand-in-hand. The key to success is to embrace both.
The only way to diminish fear is to walk through it—to do the thing you’re afraid of, which is easier said than done.
I know 2016 is just around the corner and you are most likely breathing life into what you want to create in the new year, so today’s blog delivers supportive ways to lean into your dreams.
Start with Why
If you’ve never watched Simon Sinek’s TED talk, “How great leaders inspire action,” you must here. If you’re thinking, “this doesn’t apply to me, I’m not a leader,” I beg to differ. You are the leader of your life.
In the video he discusses the power of starting with “why”; knowing why you want what you want matters. How will your life and the lives of others be impacted by reaching your goal? Many people only think about what they’ll get from making their dream a reality. They don’t consider the ripple effect, how achieving their goals inspires and affects others. Your dream is bigger than you. It’s a contribution to us all. Knowing this will help you move beyond your fear.
For example, if you felt completely comfortable in your body, what would that bring you? More confidence? Freedom? Happiness? And, if you had that, do you think it would affect your marriage? How you show up at work or in school? Or even in your friendships? What message would you send to your daughter/son? What else might you create in the time and space you devoted to worrying about your body?
What is your why? Why is it important for you to bring your vision to fruition in 2016? The more potent and authentic your why, the more it will drive you forward through the unknown.
Never underestimate the power of willingness. I often say in one of my keynotes: “You don’t have to believe it’s possible, you just have to be willing to try.”
When I was working on my second year project in my master’s program at the University of Santa Monica, I made a decision to base my project around the question: Is it possible for me to love the body I’ve been given? This was a huge paradigm shift. I’d been steeped in the mindset, Thin is better. I’ll only be able to love my body when I’m 115 pounds. Simply entertaining this new question—is it possible to love the body I’ve been given—was progress.
Honestly, I did not think it was possible to love the body I had. It was unfathomable. And, yet, I had spent twenty years fighting my body, trying to make it (and myself) something I wasn’t. Since I was miserable and tired, I figured I had nothing to lose. That gave me the willingness to lean into something new and different. Which, turned out pretty great!
The more you can embrace where you are, the better. If you are a beginner, let yourself be a beginner. Don’t think you have to start out looking like Marie Forleo and Tony Robbins to be effective and make an impact. They’ve been doing what they do for a long time, and I can guarantee they started out as amateurs too.
This is one of the biggest obstacles people face. They have an expectation of where they should be and how “it” should unfold and ultimately, let perfectionism and unrealistic comparisons block them from the success they want.
I recently spoke with a woman who wanted to expand her business reach online through video. I asked how the videos were going and she said she hadn’t recorded one yet, because she didn’t have the money to hire a professional team. She wanted to present the most polished version possible.
I’m all for polished, but when polished means not taking action in the direction of your dreams and telling yourself you aren’t good enough today—well, I’m not a fan. Had I waited until I felt polished to hold my first workshop it might not have happened. I didn’t rent a venue or have a projector. There was no stage or linen-covered tables with flower centerpieces. There were folding chairs, a white board and handouts. And, guess what? It worked beautifully.
It’s more important to start than to be perfect.
Build a Love Team
None of us reach our goals by ourselves. Even if we think we do, that’s not the truth. We needed people along our path to be way-showers, to open doors, to believe in us and help us see what’s possible. Having someone in your corner who has “been there and done that” can also be a great gift, offering you a cliff notes version and saving you from unnecessary suffering. Left to our own devices, fear paralyzes.
Whether you form your own mastermind group or work with a coach or mentor, this is one of the most powerful ways to keep moving forward. In those moments when it feels like fear has a death grip on you, you can rest in knowing you aren’t alone. You can lean on your team, who will walk through the fear with you.
How long have you wanted to feel confident in your body? How long have you wanted to crack the six-figure mark? How long have you yearned to feel fulfilled? Let me help you! I’d be honored to be part of your love team. Take my Rock Your Body Challenge, an eight-week course, with two private sessions, or talk to me about my Coaching Immersion Adventure (CIA), a dynamic and transformational six-month group for highly motivated solopreneurs, ready to take their business and their lives to the next level. I’ve got two spots open in that program. More information here.
By: Amber Krzys
I shared exciting news last week on Instagram. If you missed it, you can see it here.
In essence, I took the advice I shared in my last blog, and decided to stop waiting, and order my dream car: a Tesla. As thrilling as this moment was, it was also terrifying. I was saying “yes” to a bigger version of myself—to a bigger vision for my life.
I’m not usually emotional about cars—as long as it gets me from point A to point B safely, I don’t really care. I’ve been driving a Honda Civic for the last three years. And, yet, there was something about this car. I lit up inside when I saw it or read about it (I signed up for Tesla’s email list a year ago)!
A part of me assumed that that car, and the life I imagined came with it, was above me. A girl from a single-parent home in Charleston, WV, did not belong in that car. Yet, here I was, about to buy it, and step into another life!
I woke up the next morning looking like this:
I felt sick as a dog. I went from elated to deflated overnight.
What the heck happened?
The good news is I knew, because I had experienced this before. The last time was right after I hired my life coach at a rate of $30K per year. I woke up the next morning with a sore throat and runny nose.
So, what’s the deal?
It’s what Gay Hendricks, author of The Big Leap, calls hitting an Upper Limit. According to him, we have an internal thermostat setting for how much love, success, happiness, intimacy and creativity we allow ourselves. When things get too good and push us beyond our happiness set point, an internal response immediately gets triggered to put us back into “balance.”
It’s a form of protection that plays out as self-sabotage. For example, if you’ve ever had a big win (a promotion, new relationship, standing your ground and speaking up for the first time), only to then get rear-ended, injured, drop your phone in the toilet, over eat, over spend, get into a fight with your partner, etc. It’s probably not due to bad luck. You most likely have hit your Upper Limit.
And, this, my friend, is good news. It’s an opportunity to reset that inner thermostat—but you have to be conscious in order to do it. Here are some steps for resetting your inner thermostat:
Step One: Acceptance
Know that Upper Limits are a part of life. You will most likely butt up against them time and time again. So, don’t beat yourself up or judge yourself when you do.
Instead, use each one as a learning moment. There is so much growth that accompanies them when they arrive, but you have to turn towards them in order to reap the rewards. Which means, you must pay attention to your internal and external experience. You have to notice when you block yourself from feeling good—and exactly how you do that. Maybe you use worry, criticism, blame, negative future fantasizing, confrontation, or self-sabotaging behaviors—or all of the above—to get yourself back to your comfortable happiness set point.
When you find yourself using one or all of these coping mechanisms, it’s time to get to work and move onto the next step.
Step Two: Reflection
Pause to find out what’s going on inside you. Get curious about the part of you that’s so uncomfortable experiencing this much goodness.
Your own personal inquiry is a powerful tool here. Ask yourself questions like: What just happened? What is triggering this upset inside of me? What am I telling myself about feeling this good? What is the cost of having this new promotion/weight loss/Tesla/joy? What will I lose? What part of me feels threatened?
Slow down and give yourself time to allow the answers to unfold. What’s taking place is a fundamental misunderstanding and your answers will help you see that more clearly. Then, from that vantage point, you’ll be able to give yourself, and all the wounded, worried parts of you, what they really need—love, compassion and attention.
My inner seven-year-old was the part of me that was terrified and needed love. She was the one who decided that the “good life” wasn’t meant for her. She was afraid I would leave her behind. So, I slowed down and spent time with her.
Step Three: Offer Yourself Loving Compassion
One way I do this is through writing. I open a blank document on my computer and go from there. You can use a journal or legal pad, whatever works for you. The point is to connect to the part of you that’s confused and hurting—to let that part be seen and heard.
I gave my inner seven-year-old a voice. I wrote whatever she said and then responded to her from my most loving, perspective today. It’s a dialogue I got to have with a confused part of myself, so we could heal and form a new understanding—that she (my inner seven-year-old) is also meant for the good life! I told her it’s ok for her to have all her heart desires. And, that I wasn’t going to leave her behind.
This was a powerful healing opportunity, which all Upper Limit moments offer.
Step Four: Expansion Experiment
Take on your own “Good Experiment.” Ask yourself: How good can I stand it? How good am I willing to let my life be?
Then see. Test it out. See how good you can take it.
This is a form of stretching. You may find it easy to expand into greater joy, more love, and heightened creativity. Or, you may find it challenging. And, if that’s the case, go back and follow Steps 1-3 to come to greater peace, acceptance, and love.
Have you experienced an Upper Limit Issue? If so, how did you get through it? I’d love to hear from you! Please share in the comments below.
By: Amber Krzys
Last weekend I attended Tony Robbins’ Unleash the Power Within along with 9,999 other people. It was my first live Tony experience and it was like a personal development rock concert! I’m serious—a rave of music, madness, lights, dance, unstoppable energy and personal power.
It was intense and inspiring. So inspiring, I walked on fire! Yep—I’m a firewalker, just like Oprah. Tony spent close to five hours preparing us for the walk, which was a bit much for me. I just wanted to get it over with. I didn’t think about what a badass move it would be or the bragging rights I’d get after!
Tony shared a story about how he put himself into an environment before he was ready. He moved into a castle (literally) before he had the money. He made $38K the year prior and the lease on the castle was way out of his price range. Yet, when he stood inside the majestic stone walls he viscerally and energetically experienced a new vision of his life. He had a direct knowing. I don’t always advocate this, but he put himself in a position where he had to stretch into a bigger version of himself. He couldn’t keep his $38K mindset and live in that castle. That year he went from making $38K to $1M.
Tony’s story got me thinking about waiting. Many of us wait for the perfect circumstances to arrive before we take action. We wait to lose weight before we wear a mini skirt. We wait to have money before we invest in a training program. We wait to get out of debt before we get into a relationship.
In essence, we wait to start living!
Recently, I led a workshop for twenty-five female solopreneurs.
We got real about standing up and owning what it means to be a professional woman and leader today. A lot of women don’t consider themselves “professional.” They think a professional woman wears a business suit and works eighty hours a week. At the workshop, I asked, “What is a professional woman?” We filled an entire white board with definitions, such as, exhausted, overworked, underpaid, and masculine. I was not surprised by these negative stereotypes. I used to think something similar. How could a professional woman be someone who wears pajamas to work?
By not owning that you’re a professional, it’s a disservice to you and your business. The professional woman has choice. She’s an owner of her life and work. She’s powerful.
We also looked at each woman’s relationship with money. If money were your significant other, would it feel nurtured? Do you look forward to spending time with it, or, do you dread and avoid it? How do you feel when you look at your bank and credit card statements? Do you even look?
It was time to get creative. I asked the women, “If anything were possible, if you could wave a magic wand and have anything you wanted, what would you create in the year to come?” Each woman responded in writing, then partnered up and acted out her answers. The room was electric with energy. Imagine twenty-five women, sharing from their heart, with passion and enthusiasm, stretching into a new vision for their life—and acting as if they’d already gotten it! It was exhilarating!
At the end of the day I announced my upcoming Coaching Immersion Adventure (also known as the CIA), a six-month business mastermind training for women with service-based businesses.
I spoke at length with one woman who calls herself a “skin therapist.” She helps people heal their acne from the inside out. Her work is pretty special, and, up until now, she’d only put energy into marketing through online platforms, which left her frustrated, tired and broke. I introduced her to Steve Chandler and Rich Litvin’s book, The Prosperous Coach, my coaching bible.
This work is about slowing down and connecting one-on-one with another human being. It’s about getting into their world, helping them solve their problems and manifest their dreams. Instead of advertising on Facebook and offering a webinar to the masses, hoping someone might sign up (hope isn’t an effective strategy), I encouraged her to invite people to speak with her, to have conversations, and make proposals if she felt she could support them.
She left feeling excited to test out this new way of doing business. She told me she was very interested in working with me in the CIA, but wanted to wait until she made the money first. (Keyword: Wait!)
Over the following week, she went for it. She had fourteen conversations with prospective clients—none of whom agreed to work with her. But, instead of feeling discouraged and rejected, it fueled her. She loved and believed in this new way of interacting with people and realized how little she knew about enrollment practices. She recognized she needed training and support, and that it didn’t make sense to wait. Choosing to be all in, she enrolled in my program, and, like Tony Robbins, said, “Yes” before she had the money.
In her very next coaching conversation, she enrolled her first $1200 client!
This is often what happens when we start before we think we’re ready—when we stop waiting and fully commit to our vision. We bring a different energetic to the table.
If you’re reading this and wishing you could bring in your first $1200 client or have your first $5K, $10K or even $50K month, then, the Coaching Immersion Adventure may be the ideal training for you.
This six-month program is being offered to eight highly committed, real-deal female solopreneurs. I’ve got four spaces left. I don’t take people in this program unless I whole-heartedly believe in them.
If you’re interested or would like more information, let’s talk. Email me at email@example.com we’ll get something on the calendar.
And, at the very least, check in with yourself to see if there’s an area of your life where you’re waiting. What would happen if just for today, you gave yourself permission to say “Yes” before you were ready?
By: Amber Krzys
One of the tenets Dr. Robert Holden shared in the week lab I spent with him was this:
If you feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably you.
That caused me pause.
Could it be that simple? Deceptively simple. Upon experience and a personal story below, I think so.
When I started to explore where I felt like something was missing in my life, what came forward was more intimacy in my relationship. It’s been so easy to blame our schedule conflicts, travel, the move and our full lives, that I didn’t slow down to take greater responsibility.
I chose to blame the circumstances and wait until the external changed (which could be a very long time considering we are renovating our entire house), instead of taking ownership and creating what I wanted right now.
So, I decided to share my feelings with my partner—not from a place of making him wrong or me wrong, but from a place of courageous sharing. He listened with his heart as I talked about how I wanted to feel more connected and spontaneous. How I wanted more play in our little relationship bubble.
Being the man he is, he got in action right away! And, this is where the story comes in and gets good. (By the way, I feel highly uncomfortable sharing this story, BUT, it most clearly represents this concept in action.)
We returned from a hike—where we had the above mentioned conversation—and we only had a short time before we needed to check out of the hotel we were staying in. I hopped in the shower to quickly get ready, gather our stuff and get on the road home. (Afterall, I had lab with Robert Holden starting that night and I didn’t want to be late!)
While I was in the shower, my sweet man unexpectedly hopped in with me. I said (in not a very nice tone), “What are you doing? We have to leave and get on the road. I only have 10 minutes to get ready. Get out.”
And, just like that, he turned right around, slightly confused and defeated.
The poor guy. He was only doing exactly what I said I wanted not a few minutes before. But, I didn’t see it. I wasn’t present for it. In my head, I was already packing my things and on the road!
I was the thing missing.
The good news is I realized what happened right away and apologized. I took responsibility and acknowledged my guy’s effort to be spontaneous, and also, my inability to receive in that moment.
This was powerful for me. I got to see how my rigid, rule-making self gets in the way. And, that triggered an even deeper exploration. Did I really want what I said I wanted? Because, if I did, that meant letting my partner in my heart even more. That meant letting go of my self-image even more.
Was I ready for that?
See, not only was I the one missing in my presence, I was also missing in my heart. I was withholding as a form of protection. And, dropping that layer of protection was required to have more connection, intimacy, play and spontaneity. (Talk about freakin’ terrifying!)
All of this awareness came from that one seemingly simple moment, that really could’ve just passed me by.
I think we create safe distances with all people in our lives. Like imaginary borders. Our partner can get ‘this close’, our co-worker ‘this close’, our sister ‘this close’. What I’m doing is playing with lessening the distance just a little with my man. Allowing him to be a little closer than I am comfortable.
I’m still testing this out, but so far it feels pretty good.
Now I turn it over to you. Do you feel like something is missing in your life? And, if so, is there a possibility that that very thing might be you?
Feel free to share your thoughts and experience in the comments. I always love connecting with you there.
By: Amber Krzys
I shared an email with the bodyheart business community a couple weeks ago. (Didn’t know there’s a separate community for that? Click here to be a part of it.)
I decided to go ahead and share that same post with you. In it I talk about what you can expect from bodyheart moving forward—at least, where I am with it today. I also give insights into my creative process. Whether you are creating a business, a book, a healthier body, a painting, a song, a meal or anything, creativity is a part of your life. And learning how to flow with Her is so valuable.
So, check out the post below and let me know what you think in the comments!
It’s been a while since I’ve written, my entrepreneurial friend. I’ve been in a big phase of transition and transformation in my life and business. I find when I’m in these places that radio silence and stillness fuel me. I need space to hear the voice of my heart.
I’ve known for a while bodyheart is expanding, but I haven’t been clear on what that means, or even looks like.
Should bodyheart stay bodyheart and I create another business name for the expansion? Should it all fit under the umbrella of bodyheart? Should I let bodyheart go completely? Should I still include body image support? But, what about money, career, relationship, spirituality and life? All the places I’ve grown so much since starting my business (in my garage!) back in 2009.
So many questions. And, none of those questions could be answered from within my head. Trust me, I tried. I spent months trying to figure it out. Trying to come to an answer. Sitting down with my journal and looping around these questions without having much insight or success.
I was forcing creativity’s hand. And, guess what? She doesn’t work like that. She doesn’t show up on command and perform. That’s not how she’s wired.
See, I felt this pressure inside to come to a conclusion and take action, in order to stay relevant, not fall behind and not lose everything I built. It felt like I needed to get this rebrand up as fast as possible or it would hurt my business if I didn’t.
I share this with you because as entrepreneurs it’s easy to feel behind and think you have to have the answer now or you’ll be forgotten or become irrelevant. That you’ll lose everything you’ve built. Or, that you’ll never get “it” off the ground. These false ideas create so much pressure inside. And that pressure is like a shrinking metal box that closes in on you until you have no room for creation.
My business goals for this year were/are:
1. Lead a 6-month Mastermind group supporting coaches in growing their practice.
2. Rebrand bodyheart.
3. Write a book.
The first one came to completion a few weeks ago! The Coaching Immersion Adventure, or CIA, was the MOST incredible experience. (See a pic here.) I worked with a select group of powerful women in a way I never had—supporting them in standing in their leadership, serving from their heart and upleveling their wealth consciousness. It was amazing!
What you’ll appreciate about this group is that it was birthed from my heart. From pure inspiration. All I had to do was show up and say yes. So easy!
Now, the other two – the rebrand and book – not so much. They feel big and mighty and not as clear. After four months into the year and NO result, I felt like a failure—that I had lost my connection to Creativity.
So, I surrendered. Only because I had to. I didn’t know what else to do. I decided to stop focusing on the rebrand and the book and just get into my life. I even gave myself a new time line. I wasn’t going to worry about anything until September. If, by then, I didn’t have some kind of inspiration, then I would deal with it.
This decision was THE best decision I could’ve made. I was free. I could just play.
Maybe you are in a place of transition in your business. Maybe you aren’t sure exactly what your own evolution is. What the next focus will be. Today’s email is to offer you comfort and encouragement. If that’s where you are, it’s really ok.
It’s not easy sitting in the discomfort and trusting that Life will bring you more clarity. One of my intentions this year is to let Life lead. It’s definitely NOT been easy for me to take the summer off and give myself until September to allow the inspiration to arise.
AND, the good news is, I can feel the spark of inspiration inside of me. She’s ignited and clarity is coming. In fact, in some ways, clarity is already here.
I was just sitting on a plane a couple days ago when a bunch of words came into my head—out of nowhere. Here’s what I wrote:
“bodyheart is about love. Not romantic love—though that’s a part of it. It’s about a deeper, more fulfilling love. A love that exists and is present in you at all times. A love of your Self. Your True Self.
You are Love. Your essence is loving and accessing that place inside—learning to reside in that more and more—creates more ease, more joy, more peace and more fulfillment in your life. In every area.
This is what bodyheart is about. It’s about your relationship with yourSelf. Your Big Self. It’s about your relationship with your body. Your money. Your career. Your spouse. Your family. Your success. Your play. Your work. And so much more.
It’s about getting out of your head and into your body, so you can experience the Wisdom of your Heart.”
I don’t know if this is THE fit. If this is what the next evolution of bodyheart will be. I gotta say, it feels pretty good right now. It feels clearer than it’s been, and I’m sure grateful for that.
Ideas are born when they are ready. They have a life of their own. This is what I’m learning to trust. (Tweet It.)
My message today is to hang in there. To know you aren’t forgotten. That what’s in your heart is powerful and meant to be shared with the world. The answer will come in it’s own time and when there’s enough space inside for it to seed and grow.
Are you giving yourself enough downtime for that to happen? Are you doing less and being more? Because, the uncomfortable truth is, that’s a requirement.
Take this message today as a love note from The Universe, reminding you it has your back! That you have permission to slow down, relax and breathe. The answers are inside of you. You just have to hear the whispers.
By: Amber Krzys
I was recently attending a conference led by uber-inspiring coach, author and speaker, Robert Holden. I had the privilege of participating in two workshops with him lasting a total of 11 days—lucky me! I’ll be sharing more about my learnings from him in a later post.
Before I dive in, a little back story…
One of the things I’ve been working with over the last year is embracing my ever-changing body. Due to some hormonal and lifestyle changes, my body looks different than she did a year ago. Definitely different than what she looked like five years ago! I know this is ok—even to be expected—AND, if I’m completely honest, it’s been quite challenging at times, causing me to pause and look at my work with new eyes.
I get that this is a beautiful opportunity for me to deepen in the healing I’ve done with my body and to take this work to the next level, and there’s a part of me that just doesn’t want to! (Can’t I just be done with this already? – begs my inner voice.)
As much as I would like to say this adventure was joyful and amazing—it wasn’t. Well, it was and it wasn’t. It forced me to come up against the part of me that is so attached to looking a certain way. The part of me that believes my worth and value comes from what I look like.
This is an aspect I haven’t spent much time with in a while…and, I guess she missed me because she came back with a vengeance!
Fast forward to Robert Holden’s event…
We were doing an exercise on courage where we were asked to think of a courageous act we could take that would support us in moving forward with our goals. The act that was present for me was to wear one of my new dresses. The one that was a beautiful color, but made of thin jersey cotton and didn’t hide any of my lumps and bumps.
I woke up the next morning full of anxiety and thoughts about whether to stand in my courage and wear the dress or shrink. I chose to rise and wear it. I was really proud of myself until about lunch when it was time to take off my comfy sweater (the room was cold) that covered my most concerning areas.
I was walking from the lobby to the pool area to sit with friends and eat when I got lost in my head. I felt fully exposed. There was nothing covering my dress and only a thin layer between the eyes of others and my cellulite. I was so consumed with what they were thinking of me. Were they judging me as fat and unattractive? I even tried to compensate by walking a little taller, with a bit of a strut.
I didn’t even know what happened. It took me a moment to recover.
I was aware of about five people coming up to me asking me if I was okay. “Ok? Ok from what?”
The awareness hit—OMG! I just slammed into a glass window thinking it was an open door to the pool area!
I SLAMMED into a GLASS WINDOW—leaving a full on face print and all.
Wow. The Universe certainly has a sense of humor! Luckily, I wasn’t hurt. That glass was double-paned. But, I was a bit frazzled.
I realized how NOT present I was. And, I wondered how often that happened. How much of my life was I missing because I was lost in my thoughts about my body?
I was so grateful for that Divine Intervention. It literally woke me up and shattered my priorities. My life was happening and I wasn’t showing up for it.
Right then and there I set my intention to see clearly. To get out of my head and into the world around me. To connect with Life.
It’s funny, this year for me is about letting Life lead and surrendering to the Grace that already is. Well, it’s kinda hard to do that when I’m not present.
How often are you lost in your head and missing the beautiful moments Life is trying to gift you?
Allow this post to be your wake up call and save yourself from running into a glass window!
By the way, here’s a picture of the dress!
By: Amber Krzys